The First Alternative
by TroublingAStar
Summary: I threw myself into his arms suddenly, startling him. I had to have the feel of him one last time, of his cold perfection.


So the title comes from "Fire and Ice" in Eclipse, wherein Edward is discussing with Jacob the four options he realized they had when he first fell in love with Bella. One was to turn her into a vampire, one was to pull himself out of her life, one was for him to remain with her throughout her mortal life, and the first...well, the first is illustrated here.

**Warning: if you dislike fic where Edward and Bella are not together forever, then it is probably for your best interest for you to hit the 'back' button right now and not read this.**

To those of you who, I presume, don't mind such fic and are still here, I have another note or two for you. Obviously, I neither own the characters of Twilight nor the quote from Buffy at the end. Also, you might recognize parts of this--I actually posted it not too long ago as an all-dialogue fic of this scene under the name "Cookie Dough". So if you read that, you more or less know what's going to happen here, though I like to think the narrative makes the story more understandable and relatable.

Well, in any case, I figure I've blathered on for long enough, so on with the show! Hope you enjoy it :)

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The First Alternative

I waited anxiously for Edward, arriving significantly earlier than him for once. I wasn't sure that made things easier or harder for me. With a sigh, I turned my thoughts back to my carefully prepared speech. This was going to be hard, so very hard for me to do. But I had to. I'd already made my choice. I'd even already told Charlie and Renée—the latter of whom had responded with rampant enthusiasm, while the former had given me a gruff hug. The only one left to tell was Edward. I'd left the best person—and the hardest to tell—for last.

One minute I was alone, the next I found myself in Edward's arms.

"Edward!" I scolded, as my heart thumped erratically. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

He released me, grinning playfully, and his cheer was like pain to me. He has been like that lately—even more happy and uninhindered than ever, now that we were going to be married and I turned. I was sure he still worried about me, though he didn't say anything. I supposed he thought the worries were somewhat unfounded. Victoria was dead, after all, and the Volturi weren't going to be coming after me anytime soon.

I hoped they still wouldn't, considering my new decision. It was this thought that propelled me to speak.

"Edward...I'm not going to Dartmouth for college," I blurted out.

His ivory brow creased. "Bella, love, I thought we'd already established this—I said the deal's off; Dartmouth isn't a necessity any more."

"No, Edward, you don't understand. I'm not going to Alaska, either," I said ruefully.

He sighed long-sufferingly. "You know you can't redo human experiences."

It was _my_ turn to sigh as I realized that this was not going to be as quick as I'd hoped. "I know. That's why I'm leaving."

"I...don't understand. Leaving for where?" he asked, instinctively taking one of hands into both of his frozen ones.

"I'm," I hesitated, prepared speech abandoning me. "I'm…going away for college—to a community college down in Florida with Renée for a few years, and then I'll transfer to a four-year school after sophomore year."

My throat ached as his expression flickered between incredulity, sadness, and shock. I couldn't even begin to imagine the bleak years without him ahead of me.

"_What?_" he exclaimed.

I avoided his question. "I asked Alice not to tell you, because I wanted to tell you myself."

"How long has she known this?" he asked, suddenly angry, and the choler in his ocher eyes frightened me for a moment.

"She knew as soon as I first thought about it," I murmured. "You know how her power works, Edward."

"I think I'm missing something here, Bella."

"No, I am: you. Edward..." I swallowed, trying to force myself to say the words. "I don't think this is going to work. You and me. Me and Jacob. Me and _Forks_, for that matter. This whole werewolf-vampire thing is spiraling out of control."

I worked to keep the tears in my eyes as understanding dawned on his immaculate features.

"So you're leaving?" he asked quietly.

"I need to get away for a few years, to find myself again. Edward, please understand. I still love you. The thing is, before I came to Forks, I knew exactly who I was, what I wanted. Now, it's all about how I feel about you, and how I messed things up so badly with Jacob. I can't handle this any more—I need to start over."

The look on his face shook my resolve; I feel it crumbling around me. All he would have to do was object, and I'd probably run right back into his arms.

"Without me?" he replied, his velvety voice muted.

"Oh, Edward..." I swallowed, a few tears slipping out of my eyes despite myself, "half of how I convinced myself to go is knowing that you'll still love me in two years, in four years, even in fifty years if it came to it." I tried not to shudder at the thought.

"You know I could never forget you, Bella." He said evenly, looking deep into my eyes. I looked away, trying to steel my resolve; the hardest thing to say was still to come.

"Exactly. I need you to wait for me, Edward. But here's the thing..."

"What?"

I threw myself into his arms suddenly, startling him. I had to have the feel of him one last time, of his cold perfection. And also, there was no way I'd be able to answer him if I was looking at him.

"I may come back in two years...or four years...but I may not come back. This isn't healthy—you were right, of course." I gave a small laugh, despite myself. "Humans were never meant to know about werewolves and vampires. It's too much."

He stiffened in my embrace. "You want to live a normal life." The anguish in his voice was unbearable. I pulled him closer.

"I do, Edward. And I can't promise you that it's only temporary, because I just don't _know_. I can't tell the future...and, for once, I think I'm glad."

"I understand."

I looked up at him angrily. "Don't give me that look. I won't cut you off completely. I just need you to promise to not make Alice watch my future."

"Bella—" he started to object.

"_Please_."

"Bella, love, you know I'd lose my mind."

"You know you'd come for me the instant things aren't going perfectly. See!" I added, seeing the indecision in his tawny eyes. "You know it's true. Please, promise Edward. And we'll definitely meet again, for sure—look, I'll even keep your ring until we do. So I have to come back. Please promise me."

Edward struggled with himself for a moment, before solemnly leaning over and kissing my hair. "...I promise."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I'll love you forever," he reminded me.

I smiled at him. "I know."

And though the road ahead of me seemed dark and empty without him, I knew that it was essential that I find myself again before doing something as drastic as becoming a vampire. Edward loved me, and I needed to find out how—and why—that was. I needed to learn how to love myself again. More than that, I wanted to figure myself out while I was still _human._ After all, who knew how my priorities would shift once I changed?

I couldn't help but smile again as a quote from some show or other Renée had used to watch came to mind:

_I've been looking for someone to make me feel whole, and maybe I just need to be whole… maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. That'll be then. When I'm done._


End file.
